I have a problem.

And it makes me feel like I'm dying. It's taking a toll on everything I have.

When you want to get better and everything is just getting worse and you just go with it. This isn't helping. This isn't helping me get up. This isn't making me better.

I find no pleasure in this anymore. I find no happiness in it now.

I just want all of this to stop. It's hurting me. It's draining me. I can't look at things the same way again.

Here I am. Breaking down, falling apart. They say God doesn't expect me to be perfect. But I believe He expected that much from me which I still haven't done.

I am losing this fight. Maybe I should've ended this long ago. But I haven't been strong enough. I wasn't strong enough for anything. And still I'm not.

There goes my faith.

Oh my god! I have a DOTA compey yesterday. The match should be started on 1pm but i overslept!.
The tournament marshall called me at 12.55pm to ask me whetever my team can reach in time to play?
i was woken up by his call, of course cant lah! So the first game, we was walkover by our opponent =( SAD! after a short while, my team member called me and @#$%#$#. Obviously is tio fucked up =x
Cabbed down to suntec as there is still another one more round.
Reached there at 2pm and found out the 2nd match was us walkover our opponent zzz.
And we proceed to top 16 :x but we have to wait till 7pm for the thrid game zzz.
Went to eat, slack slack around and i fall asleep while lieing down on a table =x. super tired
.Played against team Ancient Ones aka Sweety.
Our game was broadcast on the screen as the last game of the day :x
Fuck tat commentator! Keep say and shoot us when we losing! Mother fuckers!
We lost =( EMOOOO.

After that meet her and went to bought her stuff and then went to eat thai food :x
Then Walk walk walk walk and still walk walk walk walk around =x
Went to see merlion :x 100 year never see already =Þ HAHA.

Then went home after that. TIREDDD!

Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried,

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Went to meet knowknow on Wednesday night at town to bought her stuff and went to eat ramen after that.
Kei qiang de ME, Order super spicy ramen. Really damn SPICY till i cant stand it zzz
It was quite late and she went home after that. Machiam never meet like tat =(
And i went to rSc, played throughout the whole night till morning.

Slept for an hour inside and went to Suntec to meet team rSc peoples!
Lei, Guan, Nana, Cafz, Maki, Star, mDs and one more :x.
Spend the whole day over there watching team rSc and other teams playing WGT.
The first match of the day which is team Ragnarok.rSc vs team illuminate was broadcast on live screen.
There was a commentator commenting on the game of course.
Wahhh! damn cool okayyy! rSc was like owning like no problem :x
They won the first 2 game of their groups easily and proceed to top 16 and met team f@ze but was sadly knocked out by them =( but nevertheless! good job ^^ jia you jia you.
---> rSc ftw <------------------------------------------

My leg and backbone almost breaked while spending the whole day standing and walking non stop over there =(.After that Me, Guan, Star and Nana cabbed to rSc and the rest went home.
Played awhile over there and catch last bused home =x
And now i am still awake =( i haven sleep for 2 days time. Later still have to wake up at 11am to go suntec again =.= Is my turn to play now! HAHA. hope wont feed =)
And i cut my hair again! HAHA =x super short dao siao now. like nerd =(

We need to have one more try
Will,
My heart
My tears
Touched you again?

Saturday night went to meet star at toa payoh interchange, oh my god, Long long time never go there ..

so LARGE zzz almost got lost inside the interchange LOL :x
After tat went to GGHT to play. Should be team training le but in the end all played for fun, anyhow wack only. Spend the whole night playing over there.
Reached home at 8am, slept for 4 hours and went to work zzz tired dao siaoo.
WGT coming on this thursday, team eMo ftw =x lols.

The thing that I feel is stronger than love believe me

Had been almost a week since i last posted :x
Working and slacking at home all these while. I hate my boring life =(

Went to meet friend at cine just now in the night time.
Wanted to catch the movie *Murder of the inugami clan* at 7.40pm but we missed it so bought the tix for 9.15pm show :x
and then went to eat korean food at taka. Oh my god, the food sucks like hell okayyy zzz.
After that went for the movie.



It seem like a great show right? Jin tian yi, The detective which is damn clever. I guessed u guys sure heard or seen it before.
After the movie, i cant help but to rated this movie negative 1000 out of 5 stars.
Fucking hell okayyy. It machiam a fucking 10 year ago de show and i think cathay bought it copyright to put it on the movie list to cheat peoples money. KNN this movie suck to the core!
I wasted 2 hours watching this fked up show. Even some peoples watched halfway and walk off.
* JAPAN GREATEST MYSTERY FILM * Seriously this sentence suit this movie.
Damn pissed off zzz. The worst movie i ever watched in my life.
Catch last train to hougang and went to ate supper with friend and then home sweet home.


Here's a story joke for u all :x

The Loyal Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money,
and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, 'When I die, I want you to take
all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to
the +after-life+ with me.'

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he
died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died . . .
He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and
her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just
before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, 'Wait,
just a minute!'

She had a box with her, she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

Her friend said, 'I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in
there in the casket with your husband.'

The loyal wife replied 'Listen, I can't go back on my word. I promised him
that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.'

'You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him !!! ?'

'I sure did' said the wife. 'I got it all together, put it into my account
and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it.'

Moral of the story: *Women are cleverer than Men* ......

Went to J & Jas to cut my hair just now :x oh my god, not nice nor! zzz friends say look like mushroom head zzz ka na sai!. After that went to meet friend at hougang mall to eat our dinner =x chicken chop so nice nor!
and i know my mum cooked at home but i still went to eat, in the end kenna rap by my mum zzz.
Then chat chat slack slack abit jiu go home le.
And YES YES! I'm working later in the afternoon! west coast road! ka na sai zz so far lor!
Sighh, and and i miss someone so so so so much for no reason.
and and i miss playing with her and and i am worry about her now zzz.
Okayy, i'm back to game ^^ to keep me from thinking too much.

You know that it's over when the burnin'
And the yearnin' inside your heart ain't there anymore

Sighh, no roadshow for this week, means i'm not working for this whole week! zzz.

I miss working lahhh! Not tat i miss those chinaman and bangala =x is i miss my colleague!

HELLOOO colleague! u all saw tat? see i so good and thoughtful ^^

I've been rotting at home for the past 2 days =( keep dota non stop till i bodyache and headache ="(
Rot Rot Rot! i'm becoming pudge soon lahhhh! Someone save me! ask me out! but i'm lazyy also :x.
I'm broke too! =( BIG sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

If the heart is always searching,
Can you ever find a home?
I've been looking for that someone,
I'll never make it on my own.
Dreams can't take the place of loving you,
There's gotta be a million reasons why it's true

Hohoho, Went shopping just now in the night time with star.
Meet at cine buy some stuff and den walk to far east plaza, reach there like so late already.
Shop all closing == but at least still got bought some clothes^^
And star lucky bought some also, never shou kong kong go home =x
but ka na sai, i accidentally split some milk tea on my shirt and jean, somemore is white le zzz
After that went to meet huihui and caicai and then we went to eat at suki sushi.
Wanted to catch the movie `Death race` at cine but need to show I.C when buying and someone underage Zzzz.
Gave up the idea to watch at cine and we proceed to parklane cathay to bought the tix.
Hohoho tat bai chi never check I.C ^^ lucky =) Went to Lan inhouse dota for one round then went to catch our movie. DEATH RACE IS NICE OKAYYY! haha :x. And then went back to evo2 to dota inhouse again. cb ahloy, jiajun and hengky bully us zzzz play 3 game all lost, EMO!. Went home after tat and it's 7am now.
and and, ghost gate closing today! hohoho, someone can peacefully go home at night le :x HAHA.
later still have to go work at 12pm. hohoho, i'm off to my bed ^^

It take time to realize.
And i just realize what i just realized.

when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so i could see
That you never were the best for me.

Got woke up by my korkor at 9am yesterday zzz. He called and said today will be having steamboat and bbq at home. After that went to meet him and his gf at supermarket to shop for the food. Oh my god, shop and shop till spend 150buck on these food :x Den we went to bought durian, again spend like 50buck for some lj durian but nevermind. He paid for it, not me so my heart wont ache ^^

And then when having the bbq, it seem like it detest me or something. The oil keep "pia pi pia pi" at me zzz. ONLY AIM ME OKAY! wth! damn painnn lahhh!. Was screaming non stop when eating =x And then nevermind, my hand and face already like red red le from all those pia pi pia.
I never saw the durian put aside and i accidentally punch it damn hard and my leg auto kick it due to the pain :x Again, i scream like F and groan in pain ^^ fucking pain like no mother okayy! so many hole in my hand and leg now, na bei zzz =x.

Ate alot alot food and now my stomach is having it own unique roller coaster inside zzz so painnn =( hope not food poisoning. lj dinner make me shan heng lei lei =((

And i saw my kor smoking one type of cigarettes, i think it called electronic cigarettes. Damn special leh, don't need fire to light one. Auto got fire le :x and den inside doesn't contain those harmful stuff. the packaging is special also! it stated cigarettes is bad for health but electronic cigarettes is good for health and it taste the same as normal cigarettes! LOL? but my kor say it taste abit like shit! HAHA! because the cigarettes is RED le and is some weird weird country de cigarettes. He say only got kick when tarik-in zzz. lols but nevermind,
i dun smoke also =x i'm such a good boy.

And and! someone told me she quitting smoking. sure anot? Hope she can do it ^^ Cause i hate to see her smoke.

And and! Congrat to team zenith for wining ESWC! so qiang okayy! won team MYM from denmark and team JoY from USA and team TeG from romania, athough losing 1 game to team FeaR from brazil but still manage to make it to the playoff stage. And won team EG from USA at semi final and proceed to final and won team KS from malaysia in final! oh my god! zEn|†h.rsc for the win!

Cause you know
That I love you
I have loved you all along
And I miss you
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
Stop breathing if
I don't see you anymore

Hohoho i'm so zai =x I haven slept at all till now since sunday 11am. There are too much things going on my mind to kept me awake. How i wish i can just swept it away with a broom or a vacuum. Or perhaps brainwash everything.

Went to work at 8am today :x
Ended work at 2pm and went home. Reached home at 4pm, bathed and went to work again at 4pm plus. Tired dao siao lor zzz But was somehow quite fun :x lalala

Deep and Meaningless

Yesterday afternoon, It was raining the whole day and i've been massaging my leg in rainwater at my flooded workplace for the whole day too zzz. Reached home at 11plus and I took out my shoe and found out my two foot is almost rotted for soaking in those rainwater! CB! Fucking hell pain okayyy! Went to bed at 12am trying to orh orh but too much things was on my mind and i start getting emo. Cant fell asleep at all. Lie at my bed till 4am and i gave up sleeping. As usual, another sleepless night emo-ing. Somehow i felt, Days grow longer and nights grow shorter nowadays == I guess i must be getting crazy for emo-ing too much. All these emotions seem to be crushing me under their weight.

Am i deceiving myself now and all these while?
pretending not to care about you and telling myself that i don't love you.
I'm sorry i wasn't able to see certain things.
Sorry that i have been whining so much and stressing you all these times,
for trying to get the definite answer that i wanted and you did, gave it to me.
But why does it hurt so much more than alot of things ever did. Am i too naive? I guess i let you get the best of me. i bet u don't give a fuck either.

But i'm thankful to you for the time we had together nevertheless it was just a short while. Somehow i guess, I learnt how to love better.

Can someone give me a big tight slap to wake me up from this mess? I cant bear to slap myself as i'm too cute=x
Sighh, 2more hours and i have to prepare for work.Hope i wont faint during halfway^^.
Oh my god, i felt like so girl girl posting such things but i cant help it cause i emo-ing :x must understand.

I'm starting to see
Maybe we're not meant to be

Ka na sai lor, today wanted go shopping one den last minute that cb star say lazy don't want go. Den become i went rsc to find him. Guan gao cafz nana was there also, hohoho so long never saw them already =x Spend my whole day over there. Play play play then went to eat our dinner at KFC. After tat jiu go home le :x That the end of my sweet saturday TT so boring ><

Hohoho i'm so zi lian ^^ hahahas.

我承认我爱上你的美
你的脸和你的眉
让我面对自己 无法再自恋

Lata still have to go work from 1pm to 11pm =(((( Den got work again at next morning from 7am to 2pm then 6pm got work again till 10pm =(((((((((
Sighhh, sure tired dao siao one TT

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

Yesterday was so hilarious. Went to meet my colleague and off we go to jurong east interchange.
All of us was relaxing one corner while waiting for the bus, It came but non of us saw it beside me. so i ran and wave to the bus uncle to stop, he saw us but just fcuk care and drove off zzz. oh my god, so pissed off!.
One of my colleague steven said he got a idea.
"Let's run to the next bus-stop before tat bus reached there" zzz lame?
but we really listen to him and start runing like dog all the way from jurong east interchange to another bus stop and just nice we reached in time before it arrived. When we board the bus, the bus uncle was like shocked when he saw us LOL then one of my colleague so bad, he shouted damn loud while walking in.
*Chinese translate to English*
*UNCLE CANNOT WAIT ISIT? RUSHING TO DIE UH? LUCKY WE RUN VERY FAST YOU KNOW?* LOL so bad zzz.
After work went to eat dinner cum supper with steven at hougang and den home sweet home ^^.

Oh my god, this song and video is damn NICEEE lah! atho it's abit long. see see see ^^

Part one


Part two

I don't know why i miss you so much
I don't know why I still feel your touch
You left me feeling high and dry
With nothing,
Nothing but the question why

It's never enough to say I'm sorry

It's never enough to say I care

It's never enough to say I love you
No, it's never enough to say I try.

Yesterday afternoon went to meet all of my colleague and went to work together =x sighhhh, was feeling so down.
Thinking of things and daydreaming during work :Þ was so emoo lor =(

In a shared toilet. special hor? hahas.

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever